The First Ingredients

My journey to be a parent through adoption of an older child domestically. It has been in my heart to form our family by adoption for several years. I am adopted, my brother was adopted.

When my husband was dx'd with Rheumatoid Arthritis, I wondered if we would ever have children. I wondered would his health be good enough to parent. Would I be able to parent effectively if caring for a husband that was ill. At this time he was barely able to walk. Just months before he was in the best shape of his life. Then this hit like a ton of bricks. I decided to not think about a child right then and focus on getting him better. - Fall 2002

After 5 months of waiting to participate in a RA study we were called the study was beginning. Whoop! Maybe he will get the test drug... maybe he will get relief from the pain. Oh my heart ached to see the man I love in pain. Well we did not get the test drug, and the control drug was not giving him relief. (I started wondered at this time when was he going to be in a wheel chair. I accept I will not have the joy of being a mom, I will have be the best Aunt Meg ever. It is OK we can't knowingly pass this evil illness on to kids) -Winter 2003

We find a church or should I say a church finds us. I am unemployed, he just found out his company is closing. What will we do, I need hope. We can't be with out Medical Ins. We get a flyer for a new church in our area. A new Series is starting "Dreamsworks" Do you have a Dream. Wow... was that a message I needed to hear. We got many fliers about new churches weekly, but this one was different. We decide to go, under the radar, to see what the church was like. I was raised a Methodist, and Jay was Southern Baptist, I had a feeling this church was going to be out of my Methodist Comfort Zone. We are walking up to the school where the church was meeting, and I twist my ankle. I fall, break the fall with my head, break my glasses, bloody my forehead, knee, both hands and elbow. I sat on the side walk right where people were having to walk to get in to church. So much for my "under the radar". The greeters were great, they got me band aides. We decided to stay... my life is changed for ever. Celebration Covenant Church transformed me in ways I could have not imagined. I did know on that day, how much we were going to CCC. - March 16 2003 my birthday LOL

In April 2003 my nephew is born. He is early, he is too cute little J. We go to see him and family. He does not cry much, but that is OK. He comes home, we help get the shower gifts unpacked, and get his room set up. (I wish I would have know this would be the last time I held him.) I have a photo of the family on Mothers day. SIL looks so happy, Little J is so cute in the bluebonnets. He is in physical therapy to help with being breach. The PT notices a seizure, they go to the hospital, little J is admitted. They can not get the seizures to stop. They try for days to get them to stop. They go to Houston to seek help. The Dr.'s in Houston have seen this before, they tell them there is nothing they can do. His brain is not formed completely. The hospital arranges for them to be transported back to their home town for Little J to die. - May 2003

We are not able to come visit, we do not have the funds for the trip. I have a temp job at the most hateful place I have ever worked. We are comforted by the message Pastor Keith provides. The Sunday we find out hope is gone for little J we go forward to have the elder pray with us, my heart begins to mend. The week after father day Little J passes. He came early enough for Mother's Day and stayed until Father's Day. This event bonded our family stronger. - June 2003

Jay begins a new job and begins a new treatment for his RA. With in weeks he is getting relief. He can move better, the pain is less. The drugs help fight back the effects of RA, I see my old Jay coming back. A year passes... We find out my SIL is pregnant again! It is wonderful news, they hurt so bad after loosing Little J. I see the joy and sorrow in my SIL eyes at her shower. I know she worried. - May 2004

We get a call SIL had the baby! JWM is here and the EEG is normal! They arrive home with JWM and we come to visit. It is wonderful. - July 2004

MIL asks when will we have children? I say I do not know the drugs Jay her son, is on cause catastrophic birth defects. He would have to stop it and wait at least a year to make sure it is out of his system.

In the Fall of 04 our dear friends give birth, they had been trying for 10 years. It was not with out risk. The birth was moved up by 8 weeks, our friends body was not doing well. LKM was born, 3 lb 15 1/2" long. She was prefect, just tiny. Her little lungs were not quite ready to work. It began the NICU time.